Tuesday, April 22, 2008

I have been asleep for 29 years and 129 days.

I have been asleep for 29 years and 129 days. On May 9, 2007 I was diagnosed with Narcolepsy and have now been awake for almost a year. The power of drugs is amazing. I am not saying I love the idea of taking a drug that begins with the words "meth" every day for the rest of my life. However, my life now compared to my life almost one year ago is like night and day.

Narcolepsy is defined as, "A condition that causes sudden uncontrollable desire to sleep and sometimes causes visual or auditory hallucinations at the onset of sleep." What does this really mean? Line up boys! No roofies needed!! Just start talking about your love of all things football and I am out!

The part that sucks is that no one ever bothered to ask why I was so tired all the time! I know this sounds like I am placing the blame on my parents but I am not. Truth be told I learned to hide it. I have spent the greater part of my life developing little tricks to "kinda" staying awake, from pulling the hairs out of my head to getting jacked up on Stacker 2 pills.

For me narcolepsy is not like you see in the movies. An average day, pre-medication, would consist of waking up and feeling like a zombie. I would then spend the greater part of the morning trying to stay awake in a caffeine induced coma. After the caffeine wore off I would spend the rest of the afternoon fighting sleep by any mean necessary. I would slap myself. When I say slap myself I mean over and over again really really hard trying desperately to snap myself out of this strange waking sleep trance. Have you ever fallen asleep in class? You know you were out really late the night before and the current lecture is excruciating? Try living everyday in a constant state of sleepiness.

The whole concept of being awake for the first time in my life is throwing me for a loop as well. I have missed so much. I guess I am making up for it now. But the down side seems to be the inevitable looming pile of tasks I was always too tired to complete.

I am trying to start fresh by completing one new or old task everyday. My first mission has been to start reading. I just barely made it through high school and college on cliffs notes alone. I did try to read but I always fell asleep. I know this will sound silly to many of you. If it sounds silly to you, you can imagine how embarrassing it is for me to admit. But it is true! And do you know what I have found? I LOVE TO READ!!

Okay, I promise I am going to try to make my future blogs a bit more upbeat! I am not even sure anyone is reading these but no worries! I have been know to have conversations with myself on a regular basis! C'est la vie!!!

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