Thursday, September 25, 2008

Overcoming Fear

Someone once asked me, "Why are you afraid of being successful?" The way I felt following that question was what I imagine getting slapped in the face must feel like. I had never before thought about my lack of forward motion as a reaction to my fear.

The older I get the more this all makes sense. Also, on the flip side, the older I get the less this fear is able to control me. Sure I still put in a frantic call to my saint of a mother who calmly assures me everything will be all right (Thanks for this morning!!). Isn't the saying, "Nothing worth doing is ever easy". I try to remember this statement when I wake up bombarded by the pressure and chaos of the world pressing the covers tighter over my head. It is not always easy but then again is that not what mothers are there for? To calmly and lovingly remind us that we are all capable of achieving all of our most precious goals!

So today I embrace my fear and allow it to move me forward! Even if it means feeling out of control for a little while. Eventually it will all makes sense.

Has anyone been moved in a forward motion by their fear? What was the outcome?

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

"Ah...married life," she said with a sarcastic sigh!

Was anyone else blissfully unaware of the reality of living with one person day in and day out? I really kind of thought it was like a tv show.

Me the happy homemaker/artist wearing my cute little 50's style dresses happily preparing my hubby's martini for him after a hard days work (again this is all being said with a very sarcastic tone). Him the ever devoted extremely motivated business man who rushes home at the end of the day to greet me with open arms.


Cut to reality and the fact that I am sitting alone in my new house furiously writing my husband an apology note via email. I have fallen short as a partner and I am not sure how to fix it. I am someone who struggles with depression while also having extreme focus issues. But the truth is I can talk about it until I am blue in the face but the only solution is to shut up and do my part!

Does anyone else feel they fall short at times? How do you manage to pick up your dignity while at the same time tuck under your tail and say, "I'm sorry baby?"

Monday, September 22, 2008

A desire to be...just be.

Yesterday I was stressed, today I am stressed and tomorrow I will be stressed! Do you remember as a kid when everyone would say things like, "Enjoy life! The older you get the more complicated it gets!" Why is that? I mean seriously I want someone to tell me why that is the one constant truth of being an adult?

On top of this realization is the realization that I am still struggling to find a way to feel successful in terms of my career path! Is it too much to ask to only have to deal with the external crap that comes my way? Do I really have to figure out how to feel creative while also being a competent business owner?

I just want to be...just be: creative, carefree, uncomplicated and relaxed. These words have become my new life goals. Okay, I know in a perfect world! So add to that successful, prepared, productive and perfect! Now I am starting to see the problem!

Anyone else struggling? If so how do you make your peace?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Moving Day Has Finally Come!!

At last! The hubby and I officially own our first home! It is so perfect! From the tiny 1928 closets to the decadent sun porch! We have been moving loads all week and the movers come tomorrow.

From the beginning of our relationship all we ever wanted was to have a home together! I am so proud to say we accomplished that goal! Next up: Becoming Debt Free!! This may take a bit longer but I know we can do it!

This has been such a challenging year for hubby and me but we can now see the light at the end of the tunnel. I fully believe our new home to be that light. With the purchase of this home we have found a sense of comfort and stability. What more can you ask for in life? The love of an amazing man and a place to call home. Today I am truly blessed.